Only Sasuke can Prevent Forest Fires
by Kuramastrass
Summary: Sasuke, er... sorta burns down the entire forest and hidden leaf village by using a fire jutsu in clearing of the woods. Yeah. Smart, huh? What follows is an incredibly random story in which the Naruto characters are ridiculously and mockingly portrayed.


**So... this is my second attempt at a Naruto fic. I don't really like Naurto that much, because a lot of things about it annoy me. Well, I mean, it's okay and all. But my brothers are (er, used to be) obsessed with it, and there are just so many things about it that confuse me...**

**Anyway, so I wrote a parody. I guess "More than Human, only Human" was sorta a parody... sorta. Since I was kinda poking fun at that one scene in the manga... but this one's a better parody! Yay!**

**I don't own Naruto, nor would I ever want to, especially after what I've just done to it.**

**And if you are an anal obsessive Naruto person, and you can't me making fun of everything, _don't flame me_! God! It's under the parody/humor section for cryin' out loud!**

**And if you happen to know YuYu Hakusho... and like Kurama... please don't stab me for what I said about the hot guys with the drooling fangirls.**

**Anyhows, now that that's out of the way, enjoy "Only Sasuke can Prevent Forest Fires"! And remember to review when you finish, or else Gai and the power of youth will get 'cha!**

"Hey, anyone ever wonder why we're the _Fire_ Nation when we're in the middle of a _forest_?"

Sakura stopped in the middle of making hand signs and looked up at Naruto thoughtfully. "I've wondered about that, yeah."

"Like, why aren't we the _Tree_ Nation or something?"

"And the _Lightening _Nation is in the middle of the _desert_."

"This all makes about as much sense as wearing a _bright orange jumpsuit_ in the middle of a forest and yelling _'Believe it!'_ all the time," Sasuke jeered.

"Hey!" Naruto yelled, jumping up. "I just like orange, _okay_? And I do _not_ say _'Believe it!'_ all the time! Believe it!" Realizing that he'd just contradicted himself, he said, "At least _I_ don't dress like an _emo_!"

"At least _my_ hair is a _natural_ color," the Uchiha retorted.

"Hey!" both of his teammates yelled in unison. "I'll have you know that this_ is_ my natural hair color!"

Naruto added, "Believe it!"

Sasuke rolled his eyes.

"Let's just get back to training," Sakura suggested. She resumed making hand signs.

Naruto sat back down. "I don't _wanna_ train! I'm hungry! Believe it!"

Sasuke spent the next ten minutes turning his Sharingan on and off, exercising them like a muscle. He then proceeded to make hand signs. "Phoenix Flower jutsu!"

And a tree burst into flames. Another tree caught fire. More and more trees went up in flames. A flaming branch fell and set the grass on fire.

The three Genin stared at the flames until there was a burning wall just before them. They were mesmerized for a minute or two, but then snapped back to reality. "We need to warn the village!"

- -

So the three ran back to the village, and the first person they went to was their teacher.

"Kakashi-sensei! Kakashi-sensei! Sasuke set the forest on fire!"

Sasuke muttered something under his breath.

"Uh-huh. That's _nice_." Kakashi nodded and turned another page of his book. "Did you finish your training?"

"Kakashi-_sensei_!" Naruto whined. "This isn't a _joke_! Believe it!"

Sasuke and Sakura gave up on this and went to the Hokage.

"Lord Hokage, the forest is on fire!"

"Hmm... that's strange." He was weirdly calm. "Never in my 482 years in the village has the forest _ever_ caught fire. But, we'll have to do something about that."

The Hokage nodded thoughtfully to himself and then asked, "Do you know Hatake Kakashi? He's the only one around here who knows any water jutsus."

Sasuke and Sakura groaned.

- -

The entire forest surrounding the hidden leaf village burned to the ground. The entire village burned down, too. The residents of the village could see for miles and miles now that no trees were in the way.

Unfortunately, all they could see was Mount Hokage and piles and piles of ash.

The entire village was helping to build temporary shelters. Naruto was helping to rebuild the ramen stand. However, the other eleven Genin (supposedly being supervised by Kakashi and Gai) were building tepees.

Kakashi built a box and was sitting on it, reading his book. Gai kept talking about the power of youth.

"This is such a _drag_," Shikamaru complained. "Thanks a _lot_, Sasuke."

"I already _told_ you, it was an _accident_," Sasuke growled.

"Hey! Quit blaming _Sasuke_!" Ino defended him, poking Shikamaru. "How was _he_ supposed to know that wood can catch fire?"

"E-everyone knows that wood is flam-flammable, Ino," Hinata mumbled, touching her fingers together repeatedly like she does.

"Not everyone is a freaking _genius_ like you _Hyuuga _Clan_ freaks!_" Ino shoved Hinata, who fell into a pile of ash. A cloud of ash blew into the air and she started to cough.

"Hey!" Neji turned on Ino. "Don't pick on my cousin!"

"Oooh, _someone's_ getting protective," she taunted. "You probably have some sort of freaky incesty relationship with her, you sick Hyuuga _freak_!"

"Hey!" TenTen grabbed Ino by the collar. "Don't talk about Neji like that!"

"_You're_ just a drooling _fangirl_ who _worships_ the ground he _walks_ on!"

"I don't think _incesty_ is a word, Ino."

_"You stay out of this, dog boy!"_ Ino and TenTen yelled together.

Ino turned back to TenTen. "You _know_ he's either gay or into incest – or _both_. _All _the really hot guys with the drooling fangirls _are_."

TenTen was about to slap Ino when Sakura asked, "What about _Sasuke_?"

Everyone went dead silent and turned to look at Sasuke.

Ino, coming to the realization that he's gay (or worse), fainted. TenTen let go of her collar and her limp body fell into another pile of ash. This, of course, sent up another dust storm.

Gai, who had watched the entire thing, sighed contentedly. "Ah, the power of youth."

"Youth," Rock Lee echoed.

"Back to work," Kakashi called from behind his book.

And then ten Genin got back to work building tepees.

- -

Unfortunately, the hidden sand village had decided that today would be the perfect day to launch a surprise attack on the hidden leaf village. The three ninjas specially chosen for this mission were Gaara, Kankuro, and Temari.

"Isn't there supposed to be a _forest_ here?" Kankuro asked.

Temari hit him upside the head. "Well, since there's a pile of _ash_ here, _obviously_, it _burned down!_"

_"Idiot,"_ Gaara hissed.

"Hey, just because I didn't realize that _that's_ ash–"

_"Your __puppet__ is smarter than you."_

"Okay, _that_ was just _mean_," Kankuro complained. He sounded really hurt. "At least _I_ have _friends_."

Temari hit her brother with her fan. "_Your_ only friend is _Crow_. Besides, _I'm_ Gaara's friend. Right, Gaara?"

_"I hate you."_

Temari jumped behind Kankuro. "Right! Well, let's go!" She pushed him forward.

- -

The three marched on through the endless wasteland of ashes. After many grueling hours, they finally came upon Kakashi, Gai, and the eleven Genin. This is what they saw.

Ino was still lying on the ground unconscious and mostly covered by ash.

Choji was eating.

Shikamaru was lying on his back watching the clouds, saying, "This is such a _drag_."

Sasuke was picking ash off his clothes and out of his hair.

Sakura was taking a nap.

Kiba and Akamaru were rolling around in the ash and barking at each other.

Shino was standing around doing nothing.

Hinata was crying.

Neji, TenTen, and Rock Lee were still building tepees.

Gai was exclaiming, "Ah, the power of youth!"

Kakashi was still reading his book.

Kankuro looked around at everyone and said, "O...kay."

_"Where is the nine-tailed fox boy?"_ Gaara demanded.

"_Naruto's_ building the _ramen_ stand, of course," Sasuke scoffed disinterestedly, picking more ash off his shirt. "Moron."

"Mmm... ramen..." Choji moaned, taking another bite of his barbecued ribs.

The tepee Neji, Lee, and TenTen were raising Amish-barn-style fell over and sent up another huge ash storm. Everyone except Ino, Kakashi, Gai, Shino, and Gaara began to cough.

Gaara started dancing around and playing in the falling ash. _"Desecration..."_

Suddenly, in the dark swirling cloud of black ash, there was another figure. "I have returned to sexily kill my brother and also sexily destroy the hidden leaf village," the figure said sexily. Itachi then sexily walked out of the ash-fog and into view.

"There's no need to sexily destroy the village, Itachi," Gai said once he finished coughing. "Your younger brother already burned it down in a fiery fit of passion! A fiery fit of the passion of youth!"

"Youth!" Rock Lee echoed.

"It was an _accident_," Sasuke grumbled, picking more ash out of his hair.

"_Sure_ it was," his brother sneered sexily, sexily picking ash out of his own sexy hair.

Ino woke up when she heard the sexiness of Itachi's sexy voice, but when she saw him, she realized that he was both sexily gay and sexily into incest. She fainted again.

Gaara used her body as the foundation of his sand-and-ash castle.

"Um, Gaara, I really don't think now's a good time for playing," Temari said slowly. "I mean, we're supposed to be killing everyone in the–"

Gaara glared up at his sister. _"Do you want to __die__, woman?"_ he rasped.

"Uh – no, no!" She shook her head quickly. "Keep doing what you're doing, Gaara. Whatever you want to do is fine."

_"Find something to use as a flag."_

"Right away!" Temari ran off.

"Okay, the ramen stand's built! Believe it!" Naruto came carrying a bowl of ramen. "What else needs to be built? Maybe the grocery store?"

"Ramen!" Choji screamed, jumping at Naruto like a squirrel with rabies.

"Is that all you ever _think_ about, Naruto? _Food?_" Sasuke asked.

"Well, I wouldn't have to be _worrying_ about food if _someone_ hadn't burned the _village _down_, Sasuke!_"

"It was an _accident_!"

"Burning down the entire forest and the village by using a fire jutsu near trees, an accident. Right," Shino spoke up for the first time. "The ash in the air is making it difficult for my Death Bugs to breath."

"And don't forget about Global Warming," Kakashi added.

Everyone stared at him. "Who are _you_, Captain _Planet_?" Neji asked haughtily.

"Well, everyone should be concerned about the environment."

"The ash is fun to play in, though! Right, Akamaru?"

Akamaru barked.

"It's _ash_, Kiba, not _snow_!" TenTen yelled.

Kankuro added a little late, "Hey, I _like_ Captain Planet."

"At least you made my job easier, Sasuke," Itachi murmured sexily. "Now all I have to do is sexily kill you, since you already burned down the village. You're _following_ in my sexy footsteps _after_ all." He smirked sexily.

"I'm nothing _like_ you, Itachi! You sexy _bastard_! Spawn of the Uchiha Clan who made me _cry_ and molded me into the single-minded, determined emo I am! Where _you_ would have burned down the village on _purpose_, for _fun_, _I_ did it on _accident_! And the _next_ person to say _anything_ about it is going to face the wrath of my _Sharingan_!"

Smoky the Bear appeared out of nowhere and pointed at Sasuke. "Only _you_ can prevent forest fires!"

And several kunai knives went through Smoky's heart.

Everyone stared blankly at his lifeless body. The ninjas were at a loss for words, as Sasuke had killed a beloved icon of ninja society. They observed a moment of silence. Then Naruto spoke.

"At least now we have something to eat."

- -

And remember, kids, forest fires are no joke. Do your part. Fight Global Warming and forest fires.

Do it for Captain Planet.

Do it in memory of Smoky.

- Kuramastrass -


End file.
